He needs your ribs, love

On the bottom of the three stairs
don’t be scared to look, love
took your hand and shook pity from his soul
and now his heart
lies here
at the bottom, just when you thought you the top was yours
the journey’s not over
no resting shoulders or aching backs
he needs your ribs love
he needs your beauty to hold up against his own, so in the moonlight
he will know he will always be yours
always yours
and nothing more
breaking you into small pieces of descent
the way his hair smelt, messy and stupid
there were nights you could have died, love
at the bottom the three stairs
looking up at everything you’d left behind

Riptide

I hear you in the silence
can feel you tugging
pulling
ripping
at my heart

But you can’t take it this time
you can’t run towards me only to retreat and hide
when big words like love tumble from my lips
I just can’t hold them inside
they rise and fall like tidal waves
crest, almost caress you
only to wash upon the shore
so aware of how they aren’t wanted anymore

You’re standing on the beach
I am drowning in these waves
so aware of how you’re not flinching
just watching, standing perfectly still
so aware of the realization that you’re not going to save me
not anymore
you’ll just let me crest, almost caress you
only to wash upon the shore
so aware of how I am not wanted anymore

Nostalgia

Nostalgia attempts to rip apart these brick walls I have laid in front of my heart
stacking layer upon layer to achieve a thicker skin
like a storm surge, coming in powerful only to retreat back to the ocean of regret and heartache
trying to convince me that your waiting arms will be on the other side of this wall
that this destruction is actually a reconstruction of what I once so believe in

you still pulse through my veins
and even though I am in denial there is a part of me that knows I still love you
and this tug-a-war, this push and pull on my heart
will only amount to deflation,
there is no recreation of love

Glacier Melt

those words you wrote
more than a year ago
I read
and re-read
lying in bed
with rivers streaming
down my face
like a glacier melt
in spring

how?
when I promised
to become desert
where love is only ever
blowing on the wind
fragile, yet momentary
and passing

to become desert where you
are nowhere
to be found

and yet, now
still you are everywhere
and in all these
memories
photographs
letters
I am drowned

Bloom

You weren’t just any flower
in the garden
of Eve’s tending
of Adam’s protection

You were wild, yet tame
pushing the boundaries
causing everyone around you
to question
to wonder
your beauty outshone the stars
your innocence, purer than snowflakes
you fell into this world and we all followed you
loved you
adored you

And now release you
for you fought so hard
to bloom, even between your small crack in the sidewalk
and the people
the people did not just walk by,
they were amazed,
they were in awe
of your strength

And your flower, the brightest of them all
made even the sun gasp
for such resilience is rare
in something so delicate
but you taught us to laugh
to love
to hold on
but not too tight,
because every moment is a step closer
to goodbye

And the tears we cried
in your absence
the tears were for your flower
for may it never wilt
may it never fade
for in you leaving this world
you left all of us
with a tiny piece of your strength

And we will hold that piece,
but not too tight
in our hearts
you’ll find that joy,
that laughter
that love

It’s all still there,
will always be there
for you.

these raindrops, heavy

Rain drops fall with the weight of unavoidable destruction
pressing down,
on easily imprinted skin
tattoos of ruin
reminders of collapse
like a last breath frozen in the winter’s air
still
standing
blue prints of everything they’ve known,
ever will know

it is here, they crash
smash against your concrete composure
the earth sighs in answer to relief of it’s thirst
clouds dance in the winds of refusal
this storm of denial

my whole body screams no
makes it’s own rain that falls with the weight of us
from eyes that can’t recognize you anymore
concrete man of minimal emotion
these imprints on my skin of your fingerprints
lead me to believe in our union
but there is no love here
not in this place of ruin

these rain drops
heavy with unavoidable destruction
pressing down,
reminders of collapse

still
standing

Midnight lullaby

Most times it is forgotten
and not forgiven
tugging at tiny heart strings
daring to unravel everything right here,
right now, before our bodies
silhouetted in a dark diner
with shiny spoons and too many juke boxes
desperately sticking out their hands for quarters
as if they need the music to drowned in
just as badly as I do
you rise before me
change in your hand,
but not the kind of change to fix this
to fix me
to fix anything
instead you look to the juke box
feed her your last fifty cents
and watch me drowned

Only ever always

I am scared I will never love
another human
the way I did him,

and worse yet,
that I will never allow myself to
simply for fear of letting them down
of breaking their heart, as I did his

simply because now it feels
it feels as though there is only him,

that there will only ever always be him.